When Internet Worlds Collide
Every Jewish ’single’ knows that a J-date membership is practically a cultural requirement.
I posted the below as my profile, primarily because I wanted to see how many people would actually take the time to read it vs. how many would just email me because they’re distracted by my boobs.
So Far I’ve heard from:
157: Untouchables (too short, too fat, too dorky, too pretty, too rich ['I have a BMW' as introductory line], too dumb, etc.)
20: People who live more than a 3 hour flight from Chicago (i.e.: Australia, Israel…I mean really, what IS the point??)
15: People who say exactly the following: ‘I’m just your average, sweet, ambitious, Jewish guy looking for a girl with a huge heart to spend my free time with.’
7: People who aren’t even Jewish (Can anyone explain this to me??)
5: People who think Ayn Rand is a ‘feminist, women’s libber’ or don’t bother to Google her and instead, ask who ‘HE’ is
2: Women
My J-Date Profile:
ABOUT ME:
“I’m not here because I can’t get a date on my own, or because I am not content with my life as it is–but it WILL get my parents off my back, which is invaluable. I’m not going to say the usual things because I’m not a “usual” person. I’m NOT looking for a “nice Jewish boy”–you have to have an edge. I cannot be fake: I value integrity–I’m true and authentic above all else. I never do anything half-way: I do it completely, or I’m indifferent. I believe that the worst thing one can do is live life in the middle, and that isn’t to say that I’m an “extreme” person, but that I’d rather do nothing than do something heartlessly. I’m selective about who I allow in my life; I see people as they are, rather than as I wish they were. I seek original individuals who say what they mean, and mean what they say. It drives me absolutely crazy when people can’t take the time to spell-check, or can’t learn useful, non-English phrases when in foreign countries, or believe something is true just because CNN said it was so. My friends and I are absolutely loyal, and would go to the ends of the Earth for one another. I don’t play games, don’t take bs, treat people with dignity, and live life with passion and adventure ALWAYS. I’ll drop everything and hop on a plane if the situation merits. Being a lady is extremely important to me–but so is independence: I DO know how to jump start a car and re-format my computer. Underneath the tough exterior is a woman who melts around kids and allows babies to drool all over her best clothes–but I am definitely NOT sunshines and puppydogs sweet. I like interesting music (latest favorites: Butch Walker, Postal Service, mostly Indie stuff)–but sappy Tony Bennett songs I never tell anyone about do reside in my Itunes library–obsessed with Ayn Rand, and most importantly, kick ass at scrabble…all my pics are less than a month old what you see is what you get.”
MY PERFECT FIRST DATE:
“Everyone talks about how “our eyes locked and we just knew.” PLEASE. It doesn’t matter what we do; I’m more impressed by the company than the cost of the meal. If it’s right, it’s right; if not, no hard feelings…Let’s face it, we know within 5 minutes when it will work and when it won’t. I’m generally indifferent anyway: a relationship starts with–but is not gauged by–the first date. Just as the best date does not guarantee a strong relationship, a bad date does not ensure the opposite.”
MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP:
“I would do anything for him, not just to make him feel good, but because it makes ME feel good to give of myself to him; we SINCERELY live without regret, and see obstacles as opportunities to grow. We feel a sense of triumph because of what we have overcome in our pasts and are excited about the challenges of life…An ideal relationship ultimately encompasses that which cannot be defined in words.”
MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS:
“The Six Month Rule: The things that matter most today will not matter so much in six months. When you break up with someone it destroys a piece of your heart, but your heart heals with time. It’s better to part ways than try to make a doomed relationship work. Never take responsibility for others’ mistakes. WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME–never base your opinions on what you wish people could be, and never make excuses to justify unacceptable actions.”
I AM LOOKING FOR A:
“I think I pretty much clarified that above. I’m looking for a man who is strong, very masculine (“alpha-male” type), passionate, and definitely not “easy,” smart, worldly–A smart ass (one who REALLY is smart): the type who, upon receiving a syllabus from a professor in college, was tempted to correct it with a red pen and turn it in for extra credit. I’m picky, and superficial to a degree (who isn’t?). He must be: tall, aggressive, muscular, entrepreneurial. I am looking for someone like me: who lives life on his own terms rather than what conventionality dictates; who values original thought rather than second-hand opinions; who doesn’t hesitate to take risks; someone interesting and creative, who values Judaism and family and who loves with intensity; who loves to read, values education, has class; is traditional: believes in treating a woman like a woman and is looking for a woman who will treat him like a man; someone who believes in greatness not because of the impression it engenders in others, but because it satisfies his soul.”
So if you made it through without getting distracted by my boobs, feel free to let me know what you think.
